Hi, everybody...hope everyone is doing well and hope that things are getting better for you, Steph.
I'm just popping up to babble on what feels like my last safe space on the internet.
Nobody even has to read this or respond. It's really long. It just helps to get it out sometimes.
My life has had a lot of ups and downs the last several months. The best thing that happened recently is that I was given a promotion at the animal shelter to full time plus a raise. It's a job through the county, so I''ll have benefits like health & dental insurance (Europeans be like huh?) I'll be earning vacation and sick days for the first time in 12 years. I'm so excited because I really love it there. Even on a bad day there are kittens to help make it better. I'll still keep my other job doing the video captions because we'll be moving into a bigger apartment in the next month or two. I've also got a minor surgery coming up on the 15th so lots to worry about.
The part of my life that is bumming me out is the guy at work (E) that became a really good friend got forced to resign from there after 18 years. He had never gotten along with the director & a couple of her besties were trying to force him out as well. Several months prior, my director actually set me and E up and we had been casually dating. Somewhere along the line I really fell in like with the guy (maybe love, I dunno), but unfortunately he doesn't feel the same way at all. He just wants to hook up a few times a month, which really isn't my thing. I don't even know WHY I have feelings for him because he hasn't really gone out of his way to treat me well. He's pretty indifferent most of the time, actually. So, the last few months I've gone back and forth between wanting to tell him to f* off to wanting to take care of him.
Meanwhile, I was continuing to post random relationship memes/woes on Facebook or instagram (E doesn't use social media). I never mentioned his name since we were never actually "together," and while a couple posts were related to him, they were mostly general I'm-38-and-forever-alone-stuff.
A few coworkers (don't know which, he wouldn't say) decided to take screenshots of everything I was posting and text it to him, which just made him feel bad and/or pissed off. I ended up addressing the "group" as a whole and telling them I didn't appreciate it at all, and they shouldn't assume what I post/like/share has anything to do with E, and that they shouldn't send him that stuff. We're not together and I'm NOT his problem to solve...a few people have been very obviously quiet around me ever since. So, don't date anyone at work, people. At least the kittens, puppies, bunnies, rats, and the occasional bunny or baby opossum are still there.
I decided to log out of all my social media accounts for a while after this stuff. Hopefully, I can stay away. It's always been hard for me in the past because I feel so disconnected from everyone.
Anyway, as much as I'd like E to be "the one" he's just not. I just want something REAL, you know? I'm just too old for anything less. Oh and one of my instagram posts was on my birthday, complete with a pic of Bridget Jones crying over her birthday cupcake. I was asking what was wrong with me...I got some lovely supportive responses, including one from TJ's sister who follows me on instagram.
That completely took me by surprise. She recommended a book called "Being Happy." It's a short, easy read and I found some of it to be very helpful and motivating. Now to actually make it work. That's the hard part.
Other stuff that's annoying...My ex-husband sort of lost it and I ended up getting an order of protection against him. He was supposed to get a mental health evaluation and return to court with proof of that, but he never showed up. The kids haven't seen him since the beginning of May and, of course, I'm not getting any child support. It's especially tough during the summer because they are home all day and eating twice as much. My oldest is babysitting so I come home to a mess and fighting.
But SIX MORE DAYS, y'all, they go back to school!! I just hope I made the right decision there. I never wanted to keep them away from their dad, but he is just NOT a good influence anymore. Never was.
Off to bed now...With the new position my days off are now Tuesday and Wednesday so Monday is my new Friday. My body is so confused right now.
Love and light to all of you!